When I have emotions to release, joyful or painful, I write. I have a stack of journals that date back to when I was only a 6th grader. I have tried to throw away my childhood journals many times, but my husband would never let me. I am thankful for that now. Often my writings in my journals are prayers to God, but not always. I have way too many writings in them dealing with boys (it is quite hysterical now), but they also are filled with my life story which often involves deep pain around my grief.
As a child, I wrote many questions to God searching for answers to understand why my dad died. Little did I know those questions often don’t have answers. Then when my mom was sick I frantically wrote. I wrote and prayed for hope as I ached with sorrow. After she died, I didn’t write. I couldn’t write. It was too painful, and I didn’t want to work through all that I was feeling. It scared me, so I did what most of us are taught to do with loss…simply push on. I have learned now that grief without any outlet to release the constant weight and pressure will eventually explode. It was killing me from the inside out.
I have learned now that grief without any outlet to release the constant weight and pressure will eventually explode. It was killing me from the inside out.
Slowly, with the help of my husband, counseling, mentors that weren’t afraid of pain, a few dear friends and a God who does not give up on broken people, I have found my way back. I write again. I have written through many raw emotions: anger, bitterness, sadness, hope, and even joy. I write all about life, but mostly working through my grief. For years now, God and others have been nudging me to start making these writings public. I have a dream of writing a book, speaking, and establishing a ministry around pain and grief. My passion to accomplish these things seems to grow each day.
With that being said, this is my first step. I can’t even tell you specifically what this site will look like. I know I will share a lot of stories and pain. If you know me at all, you know I can be pretty blunt and honest. My imperfect grief will definitely come out, but that is exactly the whole point of my writing. I am calling bullshit on how we normally do grief. I don’t want there to be filters on who I am in my grief. Along the way, we will also find hope and joy in the midst of it all. Even in the sorrow and many unanswered questions, we can find comfort in God.
My biggest goal for this dream of mine is to simply help others know they aren’t alone in their grief. We don’t need to hide it, pretend we are ok, or simply move on. If you have lost someone or something in life, this is for you. If you know someone who has lost someone or something in life but not sure how to be with them, this is for you as well. With a deep breath of excitement and fear, let’s begin this journey together. Welcome to this sacred space.