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A place for unpolished grief

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INTO THE DEEP

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Hi, I’m Randi Kae

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1.34 million worldwide. 250,000 in the United States. 11,488 in my state. 139 in my county. They are all gone.

I am not writing, because I am grieving. The pain feels too big to deal with. I assume most of us are here even if we can’t put those words to it. I am grieving the life I once knew. I am grieving the freedom I had to go anywhere I wanted. I am grieving the friends and family I can’t be with. I am grieving the help and support I used to have as a mom. I am grieving my oldest son will not be going to kindergarten this year. I am grieving the injustice that people of color have to face. I am grieving the division of this country. I am grieving the jobs lost, people going hungry and kids being stuck in abusive situations. I am grieving the number of positive tests for COVID-19 increasing, as well as the death count. The list could go on. This world seems to be groaning and the weight of the pain feels heavy.

”There is something essential that we only know by dying. We really don’t know what life is until we know what death is. Divine Life is so big, so deep, and so indestructible, that it is able to include death” (Richard Rohr’s Daily Meditation, Death Transformed).

A few days away from being 39 weeks pregnant! It has been a week...hasn’t it? It isn’t the most ideal time to be pregnant, but we are making it through. Every single one of our plans for when this baby comes had to change in a couple of days.

I would be lying if I said I am fine. My heart aches and the tears have come. Grief over many things in life right now seems to be my enemy. As I laid awake last night, I had a new thought. What if my pain became my friend? .

Excited to be featured on my friend’s blog tomorrow. Make sure you check out my post and @sharonhmiller. She has two great books out and more!

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